How to handle a life-ruining blocked ability
pc = processing client; the person, who is receiving the therapy (processing) in order to solve his problem.
operator = your friend, who gives you the therapy.
axiom = a datum that you suppose is true; on which you build the method of the therapy.
cognition = a good point during the therapy, when you realize something in your life, and feel happy about it. Your understanding about your problem has just increased.
consideration = a fixed idea that you know is irrational, but it still affects you. Like "people will judge me, if I speak up". It can either come true or not; but the point is, that you are afraid of it, and it inhibits you.
Axiom 1: Inhibition is solved by asking the pc (= processing client, the person, who receives the therapy) to do what is inhibited, while compulsion is solved by asking him to do, what he is overdoing.
Regarding fear, a common approach to deal with it is to face it. For example, you are afraid to speak publicly, and by doing it many times, the fear can diminish.
But the fear only gets solved, if you do the exact thing that is inhibited. If, for example we take my communication problem, I can learn opener lines to approach girls with, but after I tell them, I am still in trouble as to how to continue the conversation, and I fail. The fear doesn't get solved, because my inhibition is about making up creative communication, the fear of approaching a girl is a consequence.
I was always worried, that if I say something, people will think, I am weird.
So the operator would give me the command: "Think of something that if you told me, I would think, you are weird."
I complete the request by saying "Okay". I don't do anything else; my subconscious (= the part of the mind, you have no awareness about. Much more things are going on here, than you would imagine; it is a supercomputer.) mind understands the command, and does its job. Then the operator gives me the command again. This continues, until I reach a cognition, after which I am no longer interested in the command, because I realized, there is an underlying consideration. When I ran this command, it took me 15 minutes to get here.
I will tell you later, how it evolved into the final command that I have been running for over 400 hours, and what it is exactly, but now let's take a look at the compulsion.
My friend, I was working with in the USA has an eye contact problem: when he is about to look at people, he looks at their body parts first (in the worst case (= the bad condition of a person) it is a sexual part), and when others notice it, he gets embarrassed, and this way he is forced to stay away from social life. This unnatural looking is of course involuntary.
Note, that his ability to socialize is likewise blocked as mine, but his mind uses a different mechanism.
What he is overdoing is looking at people. So the command we are using here is the simple "Look at me."
It doesn't require refining, like in my case; it is his final command. He has been running it for about 100 hours so far.
counter-intention = the irrational fear or whatever negative feeling that holds you back from acting how you want. If you want to joke around people, but you are afraid to do so, this is the counter-intention.
charge = just like electical charge (= the negative energy that comes from the reactive mind, for example irrational fear) creates an effect on a circuit, irrational negative feelings have the power to affect behavior. If you are afraid or angry, you are liable to do irrational things, but if not, you will still feel bad. When you got such heavy feelings, you are "charged up".
aberrated = the sensible action gets diverted by the charge, so you will act irrationally. If you beat up your kid, you do it, because the anger has too much power on you, and it forces you to do so. And you cannot control it. An irrational act is called aberration.
Axiom 2: Charge only gets solved, when faced with intention.
Here is my 15-minute command again: "Think of something that if you told me, I would consider you weird."
It was a good introductory command, but my problem didn't get solved, so I looked for modifications. What I found is, that I am worried about the opinion of others about me, and I irrationally think that it can be dangerous.
The command became "Think of something that if you told me, my opinion would be dangerous about."
This was another milestone, but it ran dry after 5 hours. Then I realized: If I define the counter-intention only, what would fight it back? Nothing. If you just get beaten up, but you don't fight, you will not win.
So I changed the command to "Think of something that you would tell me, if my opinion wasn't dangerous about it."
It was better, but not good enough. My intention is not to communicate with the operator. I want to be able to communicate with girls. "Think of something that you would tell to a girl, if her opinion wasn't dangerous about it." really made a difference, but it dried out too eventually. Because "telling something" is still not an intention.
Then I changed it to: "Think of something that you would express your interest with to a girl, if her opinion wasn't dangerous about it."
It was another milestone, and I will explain later, why.
Regarding my friend's compulsion, it is important to see, that the command "Look at me" is itself an intention. This gets aberrated by overdoing it. "Look at me unnaturally" is not his intention, therefore not workable.
Axiom 3: The command shouldn't exceed the pc's awareness level.
I had always been aware of my surface consideration, that "if I say/do certain things, others will think, I am weird."
And I had always been aware of my purpose in life: that I want a girlfriend.
You can see, how I included both this intention and the consideration in the commmand.
But my friend doesn't know his life purpose, the only thing he is aware of, is that he looks at people unnaturally. When we tried the command (question) "Why are you stopping yourself from relating to people socially?", it turned out to be unworkable. Not only it violates Axiom 1, but "relating to people socially" is not a known purpose to him. He needed to guess it, it was not on his level of awareness.
physical trauma = an incident, when you were physically injured so, that you lost your consciousness. These incidents happen as early as in the womb, and give basis for later injuries. For example if your father beats you up in childhood, it may not be severe, but you feel terrified of it, because a similar experience happened before birth. Every aberration has its basis in physical trauma incidents, but dealing with them is not the way to solve it, as I will explain it later. Some irrational negative feelings and phychosomatic illnesses though can be relieved by recalling and running through such incidents a few times; the methodolody is called Dianetics (= a therapeutic method that deals with emotional problems and illnesses by letting the person recall painful incidents, called engrams), but many psychologists in the world uses it too.
mental picture = every moment of your existence is recorded into your mind, so you can recall them later as memories. People in general are not able to recall every second of their lives, and they don't have photographic recall; nevertheless everything is stored, and the mind uses them, even if you are not aware of it. Every picture contains the 5 sensory perceptions and many more, as well as the information, when it was recorded, so the collection of the mental pictures is called time track.
subconscious = the part of the mind that operates under your awareness. It is a supercomputer with infinite potentials, and aberration happens on this level too. When you act irrationally, you have no idea, what thoughts and mental pictures of physical trauma are going on in your mind. Also, when you say something, your mind makes up that communication by associating to your experiences, but you don't know, which pictures are involved in the association process.
Axiom 4: Limited ability is a "solution" to an unethical behavior you couldn't control.
Depending on your problem, you may not use this basic principle to make up your command, nevertheless it can already give you a greater understanding, why you have this problem.
When I ran the command "Think of something that you would express your interest with to a girl, if her opinion wasn't dangerous about it.", I got scared at a point, and this is, when I realized, that without the inhibition I would be liable to approach every attractive girls on the street, and this promiscuousness could get me into trouble. If you limit your ability, when you cannot control your behaviour, you will just pull even more trouble on you, but this is, how the mind operates.
When I was 9, I told 8 girls at the same time, that I loved them. This was the reminder to my subconscious mind, that I will get into trouble, if I continue like this. Reminder of what? One of my previous lifetimes, probably the last one. This is when I really got into trouble. Maybe I killed women while raping them, or someone committed suicide, because I left them. I have no conscious recall, but it takes things of this order of magnitude to create a life-ruining block.
So my mind opened the way for my communication problem to be active, so every time a girl rejected me, my mind attached the consideration (that their opinion is dangerous) to the communication I just used.
A consideration by itself wouldn't have any forcing power - I can decide, that something is dangerous, and it wouldn't aberrate me; but the subconscious mind uses the earlier physical traumas to identify with the incidents of rejections from girls. If I said something to a girl, she rejected me for, my subconscious mind pulls out incidents like when my father beat me up for crying too much as a baby, finds similarity (rejection for communicating), creates the consideration (all of these are happening in the same time moment), and from there on I will be afraid to communicate that thing again. It will feel like, that if I communicated, I would get beaten up.
This is how the great interest in girls and the ability to love backfires, resulting in the biggest trouble to create a relationship.
So after this realization I changed the command to "Think of something that you couldn't help expressing your interest with to a girl, if her opinion wasn't dangerous about it."
My intention turned out to be "generating attraction", not "expressing my interest", and indeed, it I take a look at my abilities, I am able to conceive of communications I would express my interest with, but I unable to conceive of something that would attract a girl.
Axiom 5: Truth in present time defeats aberration.
It is important, that you take your present time situation, not the past situation. So I changed the command to "Think of something that you can only help generating attraction with in a girl, because her opinion is dangerous about it."
And it was still not perfect, and after 60 hours of running my problem became more solid, I fell into apathy and wanted to die. In the next day I found out, why: it is not right, that "her opinion is dangerous". Although I had been aware of it before, I thought, it should come together with the final cognition. But not - the truth must be explicitly stated in the command. So I changed it to "you consider her opinion dangerous", and the final command became "Think of something that you can only help generating attraction with in a girl, because you consider her opinion dangerous about it."
Axiom 6: The therapy should go effortlessly, otherwise you are not doing it the right way.
Since aberration is created on subconscious level, you need to do the therapy on this level too. So when you are given a command like "Think of something...", you shouldn't consciously try to have the thought. You shouldn't try to understand and get reality on it - it would mean effort. Try to add up 336 + 547, and you will understand, what effort is.
When I write a poem, if my mind is clear enough, rhymes come fast. If not, I have to consciously look for words that rhyme with a given word, and this is where effort comes in. It is very rare, that I get somewhere this way. If I try to consciously do, what should be done subconsciously, things are just not working out.
So when you are given the command, you do nothing, but observe. There will be periods, when nothing is happening for hours or days; nevertheless the command has its effect on the subconscious, you are just running into blockages that prevent you from seeing your problem clearly. I will tell you more about it later.
Axiom 7: Charge cannot be solved, while the pc is sitting in it.
It means, that you need to be in a safe environment during the therapy, so for example in my case if I am afraid to speak, the command shouldn't be "Tell me something, that if you told me, I would consider weird." - see, it contradicts itself right away. "Think of something" is the safe way to go, and also, this is, where my inhibition is.
To take the example of my friend, if I went out to the street with him, and asked him to look at various people, it wouldn't be safe for him. But if he does it with me, he does it in the frame of the agreement that it is okay to look at me in whatever way.
Also, when you are running a physical trauma, now you do it from a safe environment - looking at your past from the present. You cannot relieve an ongoing trauma, where the pc is still in heavy pain.
item = a word or a concept that is relevant to your problem. For example if you are afraid of spiders, the item is "spiders". "Dogs" would be a wrong item.
secondary consideration = after you have created the problem, in the lack of the solution you will make considerations like "it will never be solved" or "I should stay away from people" or "I don't want to think about it" etc. to cope with it. In fact it is impossible to cope with it, it will get you sooner or later. How many times did you become hopeless regarding your problem, and decided something? These all strenghten the layer of secondary considerations that prevent you from seeing the problem clearly.
Axiom 8: Temporary gains indicate, you are on the right way to solve your problem. Your problem will not improve permanently, until it gets solved.
When you have a problem, you attribute a cause to it. For example for a long time I felt, my problem was, that I think, people may consider me weird.
Running this item confirms, that your idea of the cause is true. It gives the impression, that your problem is handled; it can give you a considerable gain. However, soon you will realize, that your problem is still there, and there is another underlying cause. The gain you achieved will be invalidated.
You have actually run out a secondary consideration, and you took a step forward. You expanded your understanding, and now you have another item to run.
When you are running the final command, you will still experience fluctuations in your problem. If go through a heavy wall (for example extreme sleepiness), you will experience, that the inhibition gets weaker. If you reach a good point, but your problem is not yet solved, the problem tightens up.
When I ran the command "Think of something that you would agree with my opinion about.", my communication improved. I became allowed to say more things. But as I continued it, the gain disappeared as I realized, this command wouldn't solve the problem. But it allowed me to ask the question "Why would I want to agree with the opinion of others?", to which my first answer was "because it's right", it didn't work, and then I found the right answer: because it is dangerous.
You may be running your command for hundreds of hours, and your problem still has the same strength. Don't expect gradual improvement. When you are doing the therapy, you are clearing your mind, so you will be eventually able to pop your problem in an instant. Your understanding is, what improves gradually.
You cannot see, what your subconscious is doing, but my theory is, that it constantly deals with secondary considerations, and if nothing is happening for a long time, it is because you have run into something that says, your problem cannot be solved, and therefore you shouldn't confront it. It takes time to work your way through this wall, but it will eventually happen, because all secondary considerations are based upon the original problem, therefore they are the weaker. And when you got through, you feel your original high intentions, so you get strong negative feelings too.
Giving up the therapy, because nothing is happening or when you need to confront unpleasant feelings is a big mistake - therefore it is essential, that you understand, what is going on in your mind.
consideration = A created thought, for example "light travels along the fastest way" or "there is negative and positive charge, which if meet each other, gives zero". These make up a universe.
One's own considerations define their universe. If I consider others' opinion about some of my communication dangerous, then my universe will be a lack of communication.
Axiom 9: The problem is solved in the same universe, where it exists.
In the beginning of my therapy I was doing it both sitting and walking around. But while sitting, I started to get sleepy, and at a point I realized, that the therapy is not working effectively like this. Then I started to walk, but around 500 hours later my problem was still not solved, I got sick of it, and I decided to not make any more efforts, so I sat/lay down again. This time I intentionally closed my eyes. But with my eyes closed, the command just didn't have effect. I was just seeing dreams, and didn't care about anything else. I finally concluded, that walking is the right way to go.
This is, how I learned, that when I slip out of this universe, the therapy is no longer working.
This also means, that if I died, I couldn't solve this problem, because I am in a different universe. (But I could solve a problem more fundamental to this, because if I died against my will, then my problem would be "not having command over the physical universe".)
It doesn't matter, whether you do the therapy in a room with white or green walls, but it does matter, whether you do it in a body or outside the body. Why? Because you have certain considerations regarding the bodily environment, which are not there, when you are outside of the body.
While in the beginning of this write-up I was speaking about irrational considerations, now we are talking about considerations in general. For example if you just listen the command from a tape over and over again, you will find, it doesn't have any effect. But it a person gives it to you, it works, because then you are doing it in the frame of the consideration, that another person is communicating to you.
Not the words are important - only the considerations. For example if your operator's voice is too silent, the consideration you have is, that he doesn't really want to communicate to you. If you do the therapy session over the phone (which I found unworkable), the consideration is, that nobody is there with you to help with your problem, you are alone with it.
Axiom 10: The mind, when faced with a non-optimal condition, tries to figure the way out of it.
When I get the command in the process, I am reminded of the devastating problem I have, so my mind starts thinking about it to find the basic reason. For a long time I was doing the therapy fine, and between sessions I tried to occupy myself with things that I could enjoy. However, I kept constantly getting charged up on these activities, and I needed to change, and do something else. For example I played computer games. I got introverted. Then I watched movies. I kept getting sleepy and introverted. Then I started to read novels. I kept getting sleepy, and felt sick in my mind. The last thing I tried was to solve mathematical problems, but the same way I didn't feel good about it, and at this point I realized, why: because I am diverging from the main problem I need to solve. As long as I am seeking enjoyment in something, I will feel sick.
It means, that my life ceased to exist, if we define life by "doing things for enjoyment".
But if the mind makes any sense, it also means, that these negative feelings are how my mind tells me, that what I am doing is wrong. It means, that I should be able to progress with my therapy by sitting still and doing nothing. If I don't seek enjoyment in anything, I am forced to find it in myself.
So far I allocated time for me to reflect on my problem without doing anything else, when I got into session. Now I am in a self-inflicted prison, where I don't just have a problem that could kill me, but I cannot enjoy anything, even with the promise, that my problem will be solved. So I have nothing else to do, than to reflect. I don't need any more reminder of my condition. I don't need the command anymore.
It is a mechanism that took a long time to break: my life was ruined in the first place, but when I got hope, that it will be solved, it became possible again to do some things for enjoyment between the sessions. However, the right way to do the therapy is alone, only the promise got into my way, and it took 600 hours for me to realize, that it is just a fragile promise, I cannot build life on it.
It is a vicious cycle: if you feel, that your problem would be solved, you will not feel bad enough for the mind to actually look for the solution. But you cannot help but feeling good, that the problem will be solved. So the trick is, how to achieve, where you know, your problem will be solved, but at the same time you feel terrible.
So that was it. I finally finished the command after 583 hours of running, and now I will not need an operator, I will just be sitting still.
By the way, I am still able to deal with my basic needs without getting charged up on them - working, shopping, eating or physical exercise. I just don't do anything for enjoyment.